Monday, March 22, 2010

Something Is Rotten In The State Health Department (specifically, the level 3 bathroom...)

Dearest Service Centre,

I am writing to inform you that the toilet in the second stall from the entrance in the men's bathroom on level three appears to be blocked.

This afternoon I went to use the bathroom and lifted the lid to reveal a particularly nasty remnant. I flushed to save the unpleasant experience for others that might follow in my unfortunate steps only to watch with dread as the water (and its... occupants...) filled to the rim. To my most grateful relief, it did not overflow, nor did it empty however. I was advised that the Service Centre was the correct avenue to report this, and so, as much as I would like to spare you these most disagreeable details, I am dutifully and solemnly forwarding them to you - the esteemed caretakers of our fine building.

In spite of the insalubrious nature of my email, I wish you a wonderful afternoon.


Yours sincerely,
Raynor

This really happened, and I really sent this email. Not that I think it's so crazy or unbelievable or anything, but just so you knew I wasn't B.S.ing. Kthnx.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Strangers Among Us, or: How I Handle Unsavory Facebook Friends

I openly admit that I'm a social networking whore. It should also be said that I'm not a terribly social person: I can't handle social groups larger than three or four people, and I don't feel a pressing need to have a hugely expansive circle of friends, so I wouldn't say my habit is to a point of ridiculous excess - Myspace has fallen to the wayside (alas!) so really it's just down to Facebook and Twitter. But I check them religiously. 
 
I have three iPhone apps to assist this: I have the standard Facebook app, I have Tweetie 2, and I have another app entirely that allows me to post updates to Facebook and Twitter simultaneously. Multiple times a day. And I love it. Yet this habitual pleasure of mine presents its cons and the greatest of these for me is the dreaded Friend Request. There are a few different kinds of these friend requests.
 
The first is the "Kosher Friend Request". This comes from someone you actually know and like and actually consider a friend, or at least a pleasant acquaintance. This doesn't present a problem; it's awesome. And it's how it should be. This category could be extended to those requests you receive from someone you perhaps haven't met in person, but you have a good friend in common, and you've spoken via a thread of comments on that person's wall. This should typically be accompanied by a message or some form of explanation "Oh, hey, I'm Cindy's friend and from that convo today you seemed cool." Totally fine.
 
But then the waters become muddy. The second kind is the "Unsolicited Friend Request". A friend request from someone you didn't even know existed until their smug little thumbnail appears in your notifications. Sure, you might have some friends in common, but this is likely to be merely a fruit of friend-whoring. Back in the days of Myspace and before people thought it might actually be a good idea to protect their privacy on Facebook, this might have been a sound transaction, but again, with explanation. "Your profile is awesome, and we love a lot of the same things...". That might have held some credence, but now that most people keep their stuff private, this doesn't happen anymore. They've just sent you a request, sight-unseen, no explanation. I could get irritated. I could be wierded out. But my reaction is far simpler. "Ignore". I don't know who this person is, so I don't waste much thought on the topic. I just deny the request and be done with it.
 
But then there's the dreaded "I-Forgot-That-I-Knew-You-Or-I'd-Have-Blocked-You-By-Now Friend Request". This is from someone you know, and wish you didn't. Perhaps they're from high school, or a loser friend of a sibling or family member, or a conquest you'd perhaps rather forget, or perhaps they're from your social circle but you just plain, straight out don't like them. These are the ones that cause me the most stress, and I get cross with them that they've put me in this position. Uh, dude... I didn't like you in high school, I don't like you now. Didn't you beat me up once? Yeah. Why are you friend requesting me? For serious?
 
Now, I don't want to seem like a total nasty pube who hates everyone. It's not the case at all. But Facebook - to me at least, and I'm sure many others - is a private space. I don't want any old person seeing my pictures and conversations and whiny updates. I don't want some dude I went on a really awkward date with to be privy to my flirty banter with more eligible peeps or my unflattering pictures. Pragmatically, my mind tells me I have every right to deny and accept friend requests as I please. But I still stress about it, especially if we have common friends - real or Facebook. I'll leave that request sitting there for weeks. 
 
My old strategy was to add them and then surreptitiously delete them a month or two later. It generally seemed to go unnoticed, because let's face, half of these people barely say more than a word to you once they've added you anyhow; and the chances are they've been whoring themselves all over Facebook with a friend count in the thousands to match so the likelihood that you even show up in their feed is slim to none. But I came to the conclusion this is kinda douchey. My current policy is to let it sit there for a while and then ignore the request.
 
It's completely retarded and irrational, but I feel like if I let it sit there for a while, it gives the impression that I've put time into considering my decision. I've not just dismissed them out of hand and junked the request straight up. It makes me feel less... cruel? This doesn't always work. I had one guy who I'd met once or twice and we had a mutual friend. Every time we both commented on this mutual friend's updates, I got a friend request. I'd leave it for a bit then ignore it. The next time we both commented, another request and another rejection. This cycle must have repeated itself no less than five times, before I get a message asking if he'd done anything wrong. What are you supposed to answer to that? What did you do wrong? You friend requested me four hundred times and didn't get the hint, that's what! I replied that there was no bad blood but rather I just kept FB for my close friends. Perhaps a bit of a white lie, but definitely held some truthiness.
 
So perhaps it makes me a complete dick, but I, for one, am an advocate for the right to deny friend requests. Just ask yourself if you would invite this person into your home without feeling like you need to keep an eye on them. Would you admit your secret passion for Gilmore Girls to them? Would you want this individual to be privy to all your personal dealings, flirting, poor-taste jokes, candid party snaps, so on and so forth? If you get an uneasy feeling even before you've answered these questions, press the ignore button. Just. Do. It. You'll be better for it.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Kerli - Walking on Air



Some candy for your eye and earparts. If you can watch this and not OMG DIE, there is something seriously, seriously wrong with you.

Pan xx